Threading Stars
by Lautari
Summary: Luke leaned against the frame and smiled at his wife and son and their outstretched hands. "What are you doing?" he asked. Mara smiled. "Threading stars."
1. Healing takes more finesse than an arc w

_I miss the Star Wars I grew up. The EU holds a fond place in my heart, and it'll always be my canon. It's been a few years since I've picked up any of the novels so please forgive any inaccuracies. This will just be a series of vignettes that I post as they come to me, so while there will be common themes threading them together, chronological order is not promised._

 _I hope you enjoy my offerings in nostalgia._

 **OOOOO**

Luke had disappeared.

Leia had to go up to the Mon Cal StarCruiser to wait for Mon Mothma, but Han opted to stay planetside and help mobilize the ground troops the next day. He was comfortable here anyway. Flagships and diplomacy would always be Leia's world. Breaking open crates of liquor with pilots and the locals would be his.

The party had died down quite a bit by the time Han realized Luke had snuck off. Bonfires and drinking were still going strong, but small groups were splintering off. Kes and Shara had crept away, and Wes and Tycho were in the middle of a tense drinking game. "Chewie," Han called to the Wookie who was on one of the bridges. "Where's Junior?"

Chewie chuffed a response and nodded to the small clearing where the Falcon sat. Han could see some lights through the trees. He wasn't really surprised. Luke wasn't exactly an extrovert. He could party with rest of the hotshots but was usually the first to call it a night.

He ascended the Falcon's ramp and frowned. "Luke?"

He followed Artoo's warbles and sparking noises followed by hisses of pain. "Artoo, I know you want to help, but this takes more finesse than an arc welder," he heard Luke soothe. Another clank and muttered curse led Han to the rec area. Luke was hunched over the Dejarik table with a toolbox beside him and a pair of pliers in hand. Artoo warbled a greeting and Han absent mindedly patted the droid's dome. "What the…"

Luke's head shot up. "Han."

The smuggler frowned at the scene before him. "What happened to your arm?"

Luke's face turned red. "Leia didn't tell you?"

" _No_ ," was Han's very pissed off response.

"It's just my hand."

Han swallowed, nodding at the obvious prosthetic. The synth skin was charred and wiring and permametal bone exposed. "What happened?"

"Bespin," Luke murmured.

Han straightened. "Vader."

"Yeah." Luke made a chopping motion across his wrist, and smiled weakly in jest. "Gone."

"Not funny." He stepped closer. "What's wrong with it?"

"I got shot on Tatooine. And then…" Something in his eyes flickered. "And then I had electrical issues on the Death Star. It keeps shorting out." He lifted his hand and turned the wrist and sparks flew. The fingers were sluggish and jerked when he tried to wiggle them. "I'm ready to just cut it off and start over."

"Easy. Let's just see what we're working with." Han gripped Luke's shoulder and squeezed as he lowered himself on the bench, but frowned when his friend moaned. "What?"

Luke shook his head and reached for the bottle of liquor he'd swiped from the party. "Just a little worse for wear."

Han felt a wetness and his hand came away red. He became angry. "Nothing?" He yanked back Luke's collar and looked down his back. "Luke," he bit out. "Strip."

Luke smiled guiltily up at him. It was only then Han noticed the glazed over, blood shot eyes. "I can't lift my arms."

Han frowned grimly and dug out a pair of cutters in the toolbox and gently tore Luke's shirt. He grimaced at the char marks on the fabric. Luke peeled it off his arms and tossed it into a corner. Han whistled. "Luke, you need medical help."

"No."

"Luke, you are sliced open between your shoulder blades. Deep."

Luke winced, remembering the stinging pain when the catwalk collapsed on the Death Star.

"And these burns…..Luke, some of these are pretty bad."

As if to drive his point home, Han ran a thumb over one of the angry red streaks across Luke's shoulder. Luke hissed at the contact. "You take me to Medical, they'll ground me." He held ups his mechanical hand. "I'm cleared to fly with this. But you haul me in and they start poking around and they do a full work up, they'll take my wings. I'll be done."

"Why?"

Luke paused and wouldn't meet his gaze. "My peripheral is gone in both eyes."

Han swore. For a fighter pilot that was a death sentence.

"Look, I can fly. I'm no danger to anyone out there. I'm a Jedi. I can roll through an asteroid field with my eyes closed. But you and I both know that they can't accept that. They'll ground me."

Han's trigger finger twitched and he clenched his eyes before letting out a harsh breath and looking at his friend again. "What happened?"

Luke still wouldn't meet his gaze, and opened his mouth and then closed it again before saying, "I'm not ready to talk about it yet."

It was three solid beats before Han nodded. "Fine." He threw open one of the lockers. "Med supplies."

Luke winced sheepishly. "I'm not sure what there is. We didn't exactly get it restocked after I lost my hand."

Han swallowed, thinking of the triage needed for an amputated limb. He scavenged a few bacta strips and pulled out a cauterizing tool. Luke's eyes were fearful. "Kid, we got to get that wound closed up."

000000

Han peered into the darkness at the bottom of the ramp and whistled at the Rogue passing by. "Wedge! Come here!"

The pilot threw the core of whatever fruit he was gnawing on and followed him up the ramp. "What's wro – _shavit_."

"I need help. We have to get him closed up."

"Why don't you get him to a med frigate?"

"He's afraid they'll ground him."

"Han!" Luke snapped.

The smuggler raised his hand in surrender. Wedge raised his eyebrows. "That true?"

Luke stared at his boots. "I can fly, Wedge."

The other pilot blew out a breath. "Hokay. What do you want me to do?"

Han held up the cautering tool and Luke visibly blanched. "Please don't."

"It's this or we take you up to the fleet and let Leia have her way with you."

Luke closed his eyes. "Fine."

Han flipped it on and it beeped while heating. Wedge swallowed. "You'll have to do it, Han. I'm drunk as hell."

Han grimaced. He wouldn't have let Wedge do it anyway, but he didn't relish the thought of causing Luke pain. "Just hold him. Luke, don't make me get Chewie."

Luke moaned softly and took another swig from the bottle. "Okay." He spun the chair so he was straddling it backwards and pressed his chest against the back. Wedge planted his feet and him and Luke gripped each other at the elbow. "Do it."

"Hold him," Han murmured to Wedge. He took a deep breath and then touched the white hot coil to Luke's skin. The younger man lurched and screamed but Han didn't stop. Wedge let his friend wrap his arms around his waist and bury his face in his flightsuit, squeezing, trying desperately to get away from the torment.

"You have to keep him quiet," Han growled. Beads of sweat ran down his forehead and both men gagged at the smell of burning skin. It was a painstaking process, made worse by Luke's screams. He wished the Jedi would pass out. Wedge grabbed a rag from the table and stuffed it in Luke's mouth. "Bite."

The screams were muffled, but still unbearable. Wedge grasped Luke's armpit and head. "It's okay, bud. Almost over."

By the time Han finally put the tool down, Luke was limp. "He unconscious?"

Wedge pulled Luke's head back and raised his eyebrows. "Nope, just wishing he was."

Han smiled grimly and pulled a bacta strip off the adhesive and pressed it against the cauterized wound. Luke moaned low in his throat, but didn't say anything. "Worst is over, but the burns are probably going to be tender. Let's just get some ointment on them. There's probably only a few spots that are going to need new skin. I'll have to see if I can get my hands on some more bacta patches."

Both worked while Luke was still out of it, hissing when they touched more severe burns and he jerked. He grudgingly took another drink and then allowed himself to be helped to a bunk. "On your stomach," Han commanded.

Wedge pulled Luke's boots off. "I have to be above in 8 hours, but we can take shifts sitting with him."

Han waved him off. "Go get some sleep, I'll sit with him. Flop down on a bunk in crew quarters."

The pilot nodded his thanks and disappeared. Pulling up a chair beside his friend, Han took his mechanical hand in his own and turned it over. He swallowed and fingered the faint seam where real and synthetic skin started about three inches above the wrist. "Ah kid," he whispered, before running a hand through his hair and then grabbing the pliers. He spent the rest of the night working on the young Jedi's hand while it rested on his knee.


	2. Lick, salt, shot, gigi

"Luke?"

"Here."

Han followed his friend's voice down the few steps to the common room. It was dim except for a lamp in the corner set on low and Artoo's blinking light while he was plugged in for the night. His brother in law was standing with crossed arms in front of the viewport gazing out at the busy Coruscant night. "I brought something to pass the time with."

He could feel Luke grin thought he couldn't see his face, he heard it in his voice. "Corellian ale?"

"I figured we needed something stronger."

Luke turned and whistled at the bottle of bourbon. "You act like you're not going to see me for ten years."

Han grimaced. "Not funny. Wedge commed me earlier. He's on his way. He wanted to be here now…"

"I know." Luke handed him a couple of glasses from the bar. "Where's Ben?"

"Basking in Leia's motherly ministrations. She's missed having ravenous boys to feed."

Luke grinned, though his eyes were pained. "He's missed having a mother to dote over him."

Hand swallowed acknowledging both their losses. "Well I'd say a few hours of being Allana's personal doll will have ready to come home. He promised her they would camp in the fort tonight."

"I wish he would stay," Luke whispered.

Han handed him his glass. "He needs this. He needs _you_."

They both took a sip and exhaled at the same time. "Good stuff," they said in unison. It'd been years since they'd shared anything other than an ale, usually in the evenings after the kids had scampered off. Anything heavier on Luke's part was usually Mara's doing, cajoling her husband. Honestly, after leaving Rogue Squadron, every time Luke had been drunk was Mara's doing. He grinned at the memories. Even with her, the last time they'd had a good drink let alone gotten good and drunk was six years ago. Ben had been with Jacen and they'd spent the evening tweaking the Jade Shadow, drinking from the bottle. He remembered thinking she'd never looked more beautiful than when she was swaying to the music playing from the speakers, grease smudged on her face and curls pulled back while he sat on the floor and laughed, taking swigs of whatever rancid brew they'd dug up from Force knew where. Even before they'd been married, a life together not even on the radar, they would find each other with a bottle and offer company.

The first time he saw her after Callista left him, he'd smiled when he saw the Jade's Fire on one of the high altitude landing pads for the Imperial Palace after coming to the city planet for a visit with the Solos.

 _He jaunted over. "Mara?" he called up the ramp._

" _Up here, Skywalker."_

 _She had an access panel open and was reaching in with a furrowed brow._

 _He mock saluted. "Permission to come aboard."_

 _She flashed a rare, genuine smile. "Granted."_

' _What are you doing?"_

" _Tinkering. I blew something on the descent yesterday."_

" _Well, if you'd stop flying it like a fighter pilot," Luke teased. He rapped the wall. "She's a beauty."_

" _You ready to trade in the X-wing?"_

" _Never."_

" _Not even do some tweaking of your own?"_

" _Don't mess with a classic."_

 _Mara rolled her eyes. "Your Alliance issued X-wings are a sign of perpetual bachelorhood for you Rogues. Even the ones that are married have them tethered to the family shuttle."_

 _Luke laughed despite the fresh pang in his heart. "They're dropping like flies." He pulled a bottle of tequila from his pack. "Need an extra pair of hands? I bring a peace offering."_

 _Mara's eyes lit up. "Open it."_

 _An hour later they were sitting side by side, feet dangling and working to splice system wires. Luke had to admit, he liked throwing off the Jedi robes and rolling his sleeves up. He didn't just get to sit and work on a problem he could solve within a few hours and tools much anymore. Mara seemed to like this version of him better as well, her guard lower and smiling more. Increasingly, in the past year or so, she had become more distant, watching him with careful interest. Regardless, he'd harbored real affection for her, the kind that could only be forged in battle, in a long trek across half a planet, and the reliance and trust needed to do so built with every step. There'd always been magnets between them, they orbited each other, perhaps that was why she stayed distant. But, their increasing responsibilities in separate lives were taking them farther from the people they'd been on Myrkr._

" _Holf thith," Luke told her with tape between his teeth. Mara grinned and held it, watching him finish with the pliers and wrap the wires with tape before biting it off. "There. That oughta hold till you get back to Kardde."_

 _Mara lifted her drink she'd mixed with bubble water and grimaced. "This stuff is vile," she remarked before tossing it back and finishing it. Luke had been drinking his straight and they'd both had their fair share at that point._

 _Luke grinned. "I grew up on it."_

" _Really?"_

 _He pulled a few Gigi fruits out of his pack and dug for a knife. "You got salt?"_

 _She frowned, nodding and he followed her to the galley. She got the shaker out of the cabinet while he sliced the tart green fruits before sliding to the floor. "Okay," he said, crossing his legs. "Take one."_

 _Mara grabbed a slice from the bowl and he poured them both a shot. "Do what I do. It'll cut it for you." He licked the webbing between his thumb and index finger and sprinkled salt on it. "Lick, salt, shot, lime."_

 _She did as she was told, and he grinned when she grimaced but swallowed the alcohol and cast aside the peel triumphantly. "Where'd you learn that? Jedi secret? Or Han?"_

 _He tossed his own peel. "My Aunt Beru."_

 _She raised her eyebrow and grinned. "You can take the boy off Tatooine…"_

 _Luke blushed, watching her grab another slice and sprinkling salt on it before bringing it to her mouth to suck the sour meat. He raked a hand through the hair he always kept too long. "She knew I loved them, so she would always get them for me at market when they were available. When I got old enough, we sat down at the kitchen table and she taught me."_

" _You miss her."_

 _Mara's voice was soft. He blinked away tears that threatened to spill and laid down on the cool floor of the galley and gazed out the viewport above them. At this time of night and as high as they were above the skylanes, the stars could be seen, though not nearly as clear as Yavin. "I loved her," he murmured. He held up his hand and squeezed an eye shut. "You can't see Tatooine from here," he said a little wistfully. "But you can see Commenor. There." He pointed to a bright dot. "It's about four fingers from Kuat. You can see Tatooine from Commenor."_

 _Mara laid down as well, legs in the other direction, so that only their heads were side by side._

" _Beru would take me out and show me how to track stars and constellations, so if I ever got lost I could find my way home. She called it threading stars - knowing where I've been and where I'm going. I don't think Owen liked it, didn't want me knowing about worlds outside of Tatooine that might fill my head. He was scared for me." He swallowed. "He didn't want me to leave them."_

 _His voice dropped off so much that Mara almost didn't catch the last sentence, but it made a lump form in her throat. She gazed out, wondering where she'd come from in the galaxy, wondering if someone had loved her as much as Luke's aunt and uncle had him. She was certain someone had and it brought her comfort. She had only a few shadowy memories of her parents, but she did know they hadn't wanted to let her go._

 _She turned her head and gazed at Luke in profile. "They sound lovely."_

 _Luke turned his head and their faces were only a few inches apart. He'd needed this, and she'd let him talk, knowing the pain that ate at him. But now a flush of embarrassment crept up his neck. "I, uh, I better go."_

 _Mara sat up, nodding. "Yeah. Leave everything, I got it."_

 _He stood and brushed off his tunic, the Jedi Master once again. "It was good to see you, Mara."_

 _She stood as well, nodding. "Let me know when you're on Coruscant again."_

 _He nodded, both knowing that he wouldn't, his heart still raw. "Bye." Still, he lingered a moment too long, fingers stretched at his side, almost as if he wanted to touch her. Had it been a year before, he probably would have. But now…..he was exhausted._

Almost thirty years later, he wished he'd touched her like he'd wanted to, caressing her until she gave into him the way he knew she would've and he could've spent the night curled around her in her bed on the Jade's Fire instead of this very apartment on Coruscant, tossing and turning, knowing Mara was somewhere above him.

But, he also knew that after she let him touch her, she would've run and he would've never caught her again. She would probably still be alive, but only half of herself. Sometimes Luke wondered if it had been worth it, losing her after twenty years of marriage for him to not only be half himself but completely empty.

It hurt to stand here, in this space surrounded by a life that seemed so distant now with some people who were gone. The pride in having his own home, solitary mornings spent running through exercises and sipping caf at the viewport…playing sabacc with Han, Lando, Wes, and Hobbie into early morning…pouring over documents with Kam and Tionne…letting his niece and nephews spend the night and waking up with them piled on top of him on the couch, Jacen burrowed against him in a way that now made Luke's heart ache…his first night here with Mara after returning from Nirauan, hurriedly throwing discarded garments in the bedroom from his _last_ visit into the closet while she waited patiently leaning against the glass of the viewport. The sight of her, so content, made his throat close…bringing Ben here for the first time after the Vong war, sighing in relief at the relatively minimal damage. He'd held Mara standing in the middle of the nursery they'd set up for Ben before he was born, but kept him with them in their bed that night, sleeping as they always had on the Jade's Shadow.

"I'm going to miss this place," he murmured. "I never thought I'd say that. But I'm also relieved. This hasn't felt like home in years."

Han blinked furiously. "Yeah," he whispered. The Vong invasion had split his life in half and hazy memories separated the two. Before - ideals and purpose that he didn't know he had and the chubby arms of his children wrapped around his neck. After – ever dwindling seats around the dinner table and a new government that had never sat well with him as the young Rebel Alliance members grew older and left Coruscant, retiring from service to the Galactic Alliance. 'We'll always be here though," he assured his brother in law. "Waiting. So will this place. We'll keep it for you when you're ready."

Luke smiled. "I know."

Later, when Ben snuck home late, after stopping by Dex's one last time for a Ronto burger, he found his father and uncle passed out on opposite ends of the couch, snoring, not unlike evenings spent watching smashball finals. He grinned and covered his dad with a blanket before sneaking off to his parent's room to sleep with his mom's pillow squeezed to his chest.

Above them, unseen, Yavin, Endor, Hapes, and Tatooine and all the other pieces of their lives blinked - constant, spinning in their orbits.


	3. These moments are fleeting

_Borleias_

 **OOOOO**

Luke checked their quarters first before heading to the Shadow. He knew she was in one of the two places and he hadn't reached out to search for her, giving her time and space in her own head. His own anguish in parting from Ben had been intense, he couldn't have borne Mara's as well. He'd taken his own solitude, sitting cross legged on the landing pad long after the Falcon had disappeared, finding his center. It was almost dusk when he opened his eyes again and he searched the stars for the sanctuary he'd sent his son to. It was beyond his sight, but it wouldn't stop him from looking up at the night sky several times in future days, sending Ben a gentle caress.

He didn't know how Han and Leia had done it. _For years._ He thought of all his comrades over the years, with families, leaving them behind...sometimes, the goodbyes being last ones. It hadn't registered with him then, the sacrifices. Now…he didn't know how to even begin thinking of the tasks at hand when he could still smell the soap on Ben's soft little scalp and feel his warmth on his chest, making contented little gurgles and sighs. He didn't know how _Wedge_ had pulled it together, waiting for any news on his family. Positions reversed, he couldn't say that he wouldn't have been in an X-wing tearing a wild streak toward Coruscant.

He found Mara in the cockpit.

"It's strange," she said.

He knelt beside her. "What is?"

"The quiet." Her fingertips ran lightly back and forth across her bottom lip as she mused and her left foot was propped up on the console. "At one time I relished in the quiet, alone in my cockpit. Everything I wanted for myself was in the confines of my ship." Her voice dropped to a whisper and she held up a pill between her thumb and index finger. "You continually kriff up my world, Skywalker."

She reminded him of that regularly, usually with fondness, but today there was resentment. He nodded at the pill. "What is that?"

"It helps dry up my milk."

Luke closed his eyes and reached for her free hand. "Mara…"

Her shields came down on him like the gate in the rancor pit at Jabba's palace. "Don't."

It physically knocked him backwards and he drew his hand back as though he'd been scalded. He didn't try prodding, never willing to force himself in, but he'd never had to. Her defenses were sealed tight. He hadn't been this closed off from her since before they were married. Even at the lowest point of their friendship, when they were barely speaking, he'd always been able to reach for her.

Now, he felt incredibly alone.

Without a word, he dropped his hand, stood, and walked away from her.

 **OOOOO**

He crept back to their quarters, late.

Mara lay still, eyes closed, facing his side of the bed. Luke was angry, but she'd never been the first one to break. No matter the fight, right or wrong, he'd always come to her, softly, gently, soothing, stroking away any residual anger between them until she melted against him. Now, he sat on the edge of the bed with his back to her, pulling his tunic over his head. He moved as if it pained him, the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders.

He knew she was awake. "You've never pulled away from me like that. Even during your illness, when you insisted on keeping me on the outside, you never shut me out."

Mara opened her eyes and watched the tense muscles in her husband's back ripple under ruined skin, resisting the urge to reach out and touch the raised, silvery lines that wrapped around him like a cord.

"If you think it didn't kill me to put Ben in Han's arms and walk away, then there really has been a disconnect between us," he continued. "I watched the Falcon until it disappeared."

Mara rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, hearing his silent, _"sending my child off to potentially be raised by someone else. Something I swore I would never do."_ She quietly sat up and leaned against him, tongue tracing the wicked scar skirting around his shoulder blade. She heard his sharp intake of breath, but he didn't move, not willing to be the one to bend this time. Still, he had come to her, never able to stay away. His voice was rough when he spoke again. "If we're going to have these issues, then maybe you do need to go the Maw and be with Ben."

Hot tears burned her eyes, but she said nothing.

He sighed. "I'll sleep on the ship tonight."

She grabbed his arm before he could move, slipping out of bed knowing he wouldn't turn to face her, and stood before him, naked. She needed to be the one to reach out this time. "Come to bed with me." She lightly combed her fingers through his hair – _getting too long again, farmboy_ – and waited for him to come to her.

Luke leaned forward against her stomach, and after a few moments, she felt fingertips graze the back of her thigh. His right hand, numbed, never quite sure of the correct pressure, squeezed her left buttock and pulled her closer. His lips kissed her above her navel and traced their way up her body, eyes closed. He knew her body too well. His mouth closed over a nipple and she sucked in a breath, wincing at the exquisite pain, but let her head fall back. "Easy. They're a little sore. It'll take a couple days for my supply to dry up."

He smirked up at her, but eased away, letting his fingertips graze the sensitive peak as he nibbled along the curve of her swollen breast. Remaining lovers while embarking on parenthood together had resulted in a few mishaps that had left them both in fits of laughter. But mixed in with the amusement, Mara saw pain in his eyes as well, her pain reflected. He had ached for a child, with her. He'd wanted a different life for his child, and wanted her to be able to nurse him and be with him. If she had chosen to go with Ben, he wouldn't have stopped her. She knew though, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Luke would die on Coruscant without her. And that made her blood run cold. Because while she could give Luke all the logical reasons on why she needed to have his back, the simplest was because she couldn't be Ben's mother without him.

"Yes you could," Luke whispered, his faith in her unwavering. He slipped a hand between her legs, his fingers clutching the apex of her thighs, asking permission. They'd only found a few fleeting moments and maybe a night or two for each other since the fall of Coruscant. Mara stiffened and then sighed contentedly as a single finger slipped inside her. The sound made him slide another finger inside her more aggressively and pull her closer with his other hand. She opened herself to him, physically and through the Force. "Come to bed with me," he whispered hoarsely, against her breasts.


	4. We few

Rogue headquarters were still aboard Home One, but Wedge dreamed of a day when they would have a permanent command center, with berths, maintenance bays, sim training rooms…..offices that weren't actually closets. He pinched the bridge of his nose. He was looking at his third cup of caf in the rearview. There was a lull in the fighting, star system after star system falling in with the New Republic while the fleet steamed Coreward. Therefore, Wedge had no excuse for the time being to put off requisitions or reviewing application requests. He preferred working during the late night cycles; the hangar was quiet and he was rarely disturbed while cranked out paperwork Ackbar had been on his ass about. Rarely. A knock on his door had him barely looking up. "Enter."

The door slid open, revealing Luke in his flightsuit.

"Luke," Wedge greeted. He continued scratching on the flimsy, but he shook his head. "We've got to do something about those three X-wings we've got parked. I was told the mechanics couldn't get to them for at least another two days and even then they'll only be able to replace the targeting computer in two of them. We could scrap one for parts, but we honestly need as many fighters space worthy as possible. I was checking them over today, and I think there's one that could be nursed along a little longer, but we would need a few hoses from inventory. That yeoman guarding the cage is like a rabid Thernbee though. Would it be un-Jedi like to procure them with a little persuas-," He frowned, mid tirade. "What?"

Luke gently set his helmet down on the desk along with his patch. He fingered it reverently before closing his fist and stepping back. Wedge frowned again, tapping the helmet with his pencil. "What's this?"

"I'm resigning my commission."

"What?" Wedge threw the pencil down and leaned back. "No."

"They've already accepted-,"

"Well _I_ don't. High Command can kiss my ass."

Luke sighed. "Do you accept-,"

" _No_ , damn it. You're half blind, you deaf too?"

"Wedge, it's done."

The pilot was seething. "You owe me an explanation. You owe all of us one – Wes, Tycho, Hobbie, everyone that you handpicked when we-," he gestured between them "-formed this squadron."

"I know."

"Well?"

Luke's eyes were pained. "I can't."

He expected an outburst. A good old Corellian dressing down that he could parry with a Tatooine cussing that Wedge liked to call "Outer Rim voodoo". But there was none of that. Wedge just glared at him with murder in his eyes and knocked the helmet and patch off the desk. "That's what I think of your resignation."

Luke's jaw clenched, but he simply straightened, saluted, and dismissed himself, leaving the gear on the floor.

 **OOOOO**

An hour later, Wedge approached the Jedi cautiously, though he knew Luke was aware of his presence. Even before training, Luke's raw abilities manifested themselves in seemingly ordinary ways. Wedge and the other boys made a game out of who could sneak up on him that escalated to unfair rounds of hide and seek in their downtime. When Solo found out, he capitalized on it by running bets amongst them in between supply runs for the rebellion. Given that the squadron, Solo, and the princess were the only ones to know about his abilities at first, Leia eventually found out about the fledgling gambling circuit and brought it to its knees – but not before winning a few rounds against Luke herself, much to the surprise of everyone. He grinned at the bittersweet memories.

The helmet dangled from his hand. His anger had diffused, but hadn't drained entirely. The past two years had been a difficult road for the two friends. They'd patched up their friendship in the days following Endor, fights never lingering between the two for long, but Luke had become increasingly distracted since the frantic evacuation of Echo Base. He'd handed command of Rogue Squadron over to Wedge and disappeared, before turning up again badly injured with a subdued spirit that hadn't lifted since.

Luke was underneath his X-wing, dropping items from the storage space underneath the cockpit into a crate. "I'm just clearing my stuff out."

" _Stop."_

Luke kicked the crate and braced his arms against the hull of his fighter, but said nothing.

"I stopped by our quarters earlier. Your stuff is gone."

Luke wiped his hands on a rag, but still didn't look at him. "It's not like it's a break up, Wedge."

No. It was worse.

They'd been roommates since Yavin, first bunking with Wes and Hobbie before moving into official officer quarters after the Rebel Alliance began attempting to form into the New Republic government and military, and lose the lax fraternization that made so much of the forces a family. They had grieved comrades together, gotten drunk together, fussed at each other together, snuck girls out in early mornings together, _built Rogue Squadron_ together, all across two bunks. Seeing Luke's bed stripped did something to him that Luke's turning in of his wings hadn't.

"I need to know why."

Luke didn't immediately speak. Sighing, Wedge plopped down on one of the old freshers the squadron used as seats and set down the pack of bier he had confiscated from Hobbie's locker during an impromptu inspection on his way over. "Catch."

Luke still hadn't turned to face him, but his hand shot out and snagged the can from the air. "Wedge, I _can't_ tell you."

The Corellian snorted. "But you can tell Han and Leia?"

"You don't understand –"

"I don't? What am I missing, Luke?" Wedge's anger was flaring again. "I like Han, but he did supply runs for three years, hiding from a Hutt before getting thrown in carbonite. The Rogues kept your secret, and _I_ was the one there during the month of therapy after you lost your hand. We were all there every time you screamed in the middle of the night this past year. We were here, always, even when you weren't." He shrugged. "We still need you though. I know you hate command. But the light is at the end of the tunnel, and we're starting to become what we've fought for. We've got star systems that had a common goal and now they have personal interests. There are species that are all of a sudden remembering they don't like each other, and refusing to fly together. _We need you_."

"You think I don't know that?" Luke sat on his crate. "I know you deserve answers. But I'm not ready. And this affects more than just me," he said, thinking of Leia. "Besides, when everything finally does come out…Rogue Squadron is going to want to be as far from the fallout as possible." The lump in his throat burned, thinking of the friends he would lose. "I just….it's not going to be the same, Wedge."

"But Luke, you love being a pilot."

Luke swallowed. Maybe this was his final trial. It hurt more than anything else, giving up what he wanted more than anything else. Being a Jedi was thrust upon him, though he knew down to his very core, it was who he was. But being a pilot…it was who he was as well. The joystick under his hand felt just as right as a lightsaber. Cloud City had sent him spiraling, and he knew that Wedge was right. He had half assed his responsibilities. Yoda's words _"…not ready for the burden you must carry_ …" floated into memory. But he understood now, that Wedge could build Rogue Squadron into the stuff of legend. Others could build the New Republic military. Only Luke could resurrect the Order. Everything else had to be lain down, along with the fear of his last name. He'd come a long way from the cave on Dagobah. His next words still nearly killed him. "Rogue Squadron is yours."

Wedge shook his head. "I'm never going to understand until you tell me." He set the unopened can down between them and placed the helmet beside it with the patch. "But I will never accept this."

He walked away, leaving Luke in the quiet hangar for a long time before he placed both cans, and the helmet and patch inside the crate with everything else and slammed the storage compartment shut. "Let's go, Artoo."


	5. Strange bedfellows

"Well that's-just-great," Mara stuttered, between chattering teeth. Her whole body shook, soaked to the bone in the damp air.

"Get my bedroll-unfurled," Luke said, no better off than she. He set the glow lamp down. "I'll-get a fire-started."

She started digging through his supplies, fingers fumbling and numb. "This is not how-I planned today to be-executed."

"Well, it wasn't-what I had-planned either."

Luke knew she was on Coruscant before she found him. They had an unnerving awareness of each other. He was gathering kindling when what could only be described as a tap on his shoulder, made him turn, brow furrowed, and scan the horizon. She'd just entered the atmosphere. She recognized him in return and he could almost feel her turning the Fire about towards the Manaari Mountains. She knew where to find him, even without the Force guiding her. She'd been here with him before, years ago, when they both lived on Coruscant. She appeared from the trees some time later, after setting the _Fire_ down on one of the docking pads on the Western Sea and hiking up to the cave he often used when he came here.

They'd regarded each other coolly. They hadn't seen each other in a while, both never admitting to actually _trying to not_ see each other recently, but each secretly felt a little bit of relief at being in the other's presence again, like a sigh after having the sun hit one's face after being in a dark room. He'd reached out, testing the energy between them. Mara's sense was neutral, allowing him to figure it was safe to ask if she'd wanted to join him for a run. He figured she would, but he hadn't known what to expect from her in a long time. There was an animosity that radiated from her at times, that wasn't quite like her hatred of him when they first met, but it was an anger that had come on gradually over the years, tinged in sadness. Not always there, but it flared consistently enough. She acquiesced, pleasing him, but the late cold season downpour they had found themselves in thrilled neither. They made it back to the cave he used as shelter, soaked and shivering.

"Don't…try to make it …to the _Fire_. Too far. Just stay here…wait it out."

Mara could hear Luke's teeth chatter. "No worries, farmboy." She winced, squeezing her braid, icy rivulets trailing down her shoulder. "There's nothing-that could tempt me-to try it."

He snorted.

"What?"

"Haven't heard you call me-that in a while." He struck the flint and a small flame appeared. He cried out triumphantly. "Got it." He stood, body almost convulsing, and turned to her and held out his arms. "Come here."

Normally, Mara would've told him to go to the deepest Corellian hell and how to get there, but right now, she was desperate for warmth and she knew he ran hotter than a podracer's engine, despite having grown up on a desert world. Still, she hesitated.

He took a step towards her and she immediately slid back. He cursed under his breath. "You're-a-wild animal. I-won't hurt-you."

Mara tried to control her breathing, shivering as Luke inched his way into her space and was breathing with her, their breath forming a single cloud. He gingerly touched her arms and began softly running his hands up and down her arms leaving a trail of heat. Finally, she murmured, "We need to get-out of these-clothes."

He nodded and pulled his shirt over his head. Seeing his tanned skin streaked with angry scars gave her pause. She had similar, though they were less, and hers were not quite so prominent against her light skin. Hers were a gift from C'Baoth; she knew who had marked Luke's skin. His eyes met hers and understanding passed between them. Tearing her eyes away, Mara struggled with the buttons of her own tunic but couldn't get her fingers to work. Luke cupped his hands around them and blew into them and rubbed. "We'll be-better in a few."

Mara nodded and let him work the buttons enough to pull it over head. Through the shivering, she managed to kick of her boots off and peel her socks off. He pulled her leggings down and she had to give him credit for keeping his lids low. When he stood his cheeks were red. She wanted to make a comment about farm boys making the worst flyboys, but didn't have the heart to tease him about it.

"Get in-the roll."

She climbed in and rolled away while Luke peeled off the rest of his clothes and slid in behind her. "I'm going to wrap-my-arms around you."

She nodded, trying to control her shaking. He rubbed her arms and back vigorously, wincing when her hair whipped across his cheek as tiny icicles. He gathered it up and laid it above their heads and buried his face in her shoulder, using the Force to warm and soothe both their bodies. "Turn around," he grunted, through clenched teeth.

Mara turned and surprisingly pressed herself into his arms with no persuasion, wrapping her own arms around him. Her breath warmed his neck and he buried his own face in the crook of her neck again. The feel of her body against his caused his to respond even while freezing, and he was furious with it. "It's okay," she assured him.

Still, he shifted, embarrassed. "Sorry."

"It's okay."

"Wiggle your toes," he said, changing the subject. "Keep the blood pumping in them."

She tangled her legs with his and he yelped when her toes brushed his calf. He glared at her. "They're always like that," she grinned.

He smiled softly and clamped her leg between his, holding her feet in place. "You could've brought the entire Empire to its knees with those toes."

She favored him with a scowl. "Dramatic." She pulled the blanket further up his shoulder.

They lay in companionable silence for a long time, listening to the fire crackling and the roar of the storm outside. The shivering subsided, but neither moved to untangle their bodies. "Where've you been?" Mara finally murmured against his chest.

He didn't know if she was asking in the broad sense, so he kept his answer safe. "Students aren't at the Academy right now, so I had to get off Yavin for a while."

He felt her grimace at the mention of the jungle planet, no doubt thinking of the Academy she'd left behind. Where she'd left _him_ behind. He was suddenly angry. She'd always been about the only person who'd been able to spark his temper out of thin air and she hadn't lost her touch. Akanah's betrayal still floated near the surface and it only fueled his anger. He tamped it down though. He was tired of being left behind, tired of being lonely; but Mara had nothing to with the Fallanassi woman. Had nothing to really do with anything in his life. She hadn't been a part of it in a long time, and he'd keenly felt her absence. She was one of the only people that he still trusted implicitly, and he knew that despite everything, she would never betray him. They'd been friends and comrades for a long time and he knew she'd cared for him. Deeply.

In the early days, after defeating C'Baoth, it had been the two of them, finding their way in the New Republic after leaving old lives behind, forging a bond he'd believed to be based in friendship and close training…and maybe something more. But she'd pulled away. After Byss. After he'd founded the academy. After…Callista. It was his turn to grimace. His wounds from that relationship had healed, but he still didn't relish reliving them. His wounds in regards to Mara though, they were always fresh.

"Why are you here?"

"Kardde told me about you looking for your mother."

"He told you?" Luke frowned.

"He knows all." She grinned. "He likes you. I think…he wanted someone to watch out for you, maybe. Maybe he knew that I would understand."

Luke exhaled heavily. "Leia didn't."

Mara wasn't surprised. The princess was not sentimental in many aspects. "Neither of you are wrong."

"I know, I just…"

She squeezed his arm. She understood.

"It's over now. I'm done."

He said it with finality, clarity, that she hadn't seen in him for years. His slip into darkness had left him murky and foggy, and it seemed that only recently, that bright, white hot Force presence of his was beginning to burn off that haze. She pulled her head back to look at him and almost sighed at the hair that fell over his eyes. She brushed it out of the way with her fingertips, revealing those earnest blue eyes that hadn't changed over the years. She knew they never would. It was the one constant of the universe she was sure of.

"Mara," Luke whispered. "I –

She hissed when he grasped her hip.

"What?"

"A little tender from when I slipped."

Reflexively, Luke looked down and immediately turned red, but didn't remove his gaze from her body. "Mara," he said again. "You…are a _very_ beautiful woman."

The fact that he wasn't dead in that moment was a good sign – she didn't mind his eyes on her. His hand slid up to the dip of her waist and his thumb grazed the bottom of her breast. Mara sucked in a breath. "Luke…"

"Can I kiss you?"

His lips touched hers before she could respond and it was soft and brief, but they only pulled apart momentarily before she pulled him close again and Luke's fingers were tangled in her hair, covering her mouth in a rough, fumbling kiss. She gasped and rolled onto her back with him between her legs, pulling a breast into his mouth. She carded her fingers through his hair and jerked her hips when his tongue flicked over a nipple.

Reaching down between them, Mara wrapped her hand around him. He hissed and clenched his eyes shut. "You fingers are _still_ freezing." He gently pulled her hand away and pinned her wrists above her head. "If you touch me I won't last," he murmured into her neck, sliding into her.

There was no more preamble.

Mara gasped and then moaned at the sudden impalement. Luke groaned and thrust deeply. It was one of those desperate, hurried rolls in bed where they just…kriffed. With every thrust something loosened in each of them. Han would call it blowing off steam. It was just the two of them, and it just felt good, but they both knew they were crossing a line they'd been straddling since they'd met. Neither wanted to think about that in the moment.

The only sounds were their bodies slapping together and the pants muffled by each other's necks. Luke held her wrists steady, but let go of one at one point to bury his fingers in her hair, teeth grazing her jawline, fighting the urge to bite her neck. Her free hand clutched at his back, digging in just enough to cause Luke to hiss and trail his hand from her hair to her breast, squeezing an already pert nipple. She gasped and arched her back, the change in angle bringing them closer to climax as he continued to thrust into her with singlemindedness. Her head lolled back as she wrapped her legs around his waist to trying to bring him closer. He hooked one of her legs over his elbow and thrust once, hard, with a smooth roll of his hips, and then settled into a quick pace, completely lost in the act. His breaths became short and erratic before he slowed again to long and lazy thrusts trying to keep himself under control.

Mara's eyes nearly rolled back in her head. "Kriff, Luke…"

He smiled against her neck at the sound of his given name on her lips. He kissed her again deeply while thrust inside her. Mara sighed against his mouth. "Let me ride you," she whispered.

Luke was more than willing, the ever generous partner in bed. He slid into her fully and rolled them, without slipping of her body. She sat astride him and rolled her hips. He moaned and braced his hands against her breasts, kneading them. She leaned into his touch and moaned as she raised herself and then sank back down on his length. He muttered a Hutt curse and fought the urge to thrust his hips, allowing her to set the pace and have her way with him. She stretched and leaned back and brace her hands on his thighs and rode him, each thrust hitting her in a way that brought her to stars within a few strokes. His finger had found his way to her clit, and he helped her along, watching her face as she rode out the pleasure. She gasped, satisfied and collapsed against him allowing him to find his own climax. He rolled them again and with her pleasure met, rutted her hard, his arm cradling her head or else she would've been shoved into the cave wall.

She wrapped her legs around him again. "Let go, Luke," she breathed into his ear.

He groaned and froze, cumming in spurts. He thrust again, and then again slowly, stroking her through his orgasm before collapsing on her. He gasped and she ran a hand through his hair, shushing him. He moved to roll off her, but she held him. "Stay. You're not heavy."

They were silent for a long time, the only sound was their breathing evening out. Luke rested his head beside hers and he placed feather kisses on her neck while stroking her hair. He might've dozed off once or twice, eventually slipping out of her. Mara simply soaked up the warmth and watched the cave grow darker as the day wound down. The storm had lessened to a light rain. They weren't sure what to say to each other, not sure what they _wanted_ to say to each other, so they talked about everything but what they needed to.

They talked about his niece and nephews. The youngest, being his little shadow.

They talked about her newest modifications to the _Fire_.

They talked about his last get together with Wedge and Hobbie and how he had no clue as to how they ended up back at headquarters asleep in cockpits they'd managed to climb into without ladders. He was certain a "Force toss" had been involved.

They talked about her last visit to Chandrila, and how she'd sat on one of the beaches and created little funnels of water in the waves. He smiled, delighted at her skillset, always encouraging.

They even talked about that blasted astromech of his.

He stood to stoke the fire, stretching, and Mara admired the lines of his naked body. She thought perhaps the spell was broken, the world was going to filter into the bubble of the cave, but he simply crawled back under the covers again after rekindling the flames. He gathered her against his chest and they watched the flames dance.

"Did I ever tell you about the desert roses my aunt grew in the courtyard of our farm?" Luke asked her suddenly.

She shook her head.

"They're hardy, don't need a lot of water, but don't do well in complete sun, so they're usually found somewhere where they can get shade at least part of the day, like crevices or rock overhangs." He stretched out a hand and his finger twitched. A stem began emerging from the flames. "But she had these growing in pots. A few of them actually survived the attack on the farm," he whispered. "I remember seeing the bright pink through the smoke." He shook away the memory. "They close up at night, and when they opened in the morning they would smell, like perfume women sometimes wear."

As he spoke, a rose formed in the flames, petal by petal. Mara stiffened at the sight. "What?" he asked. "You've never seen someone manipulate fire?"

She shook her head, slowly. "Just one other. A long time ago."

He let the rose dissipate and yawned. "Go to sleep, Mara," he murmured against her shoulder.

She nodded, but was awake long after he began snoring softly, thoughtfully stroking the finger that had conjured the rose from the flames.

 **OOOOO**

"Never thought you'd be the type to sleep in."

Luke grinned but kept his eyes closed. "I left that "up before the suns" nonsense behind on Tatooine." He stretched, arching his toes. "I'd say it doesn't matter what time you get up, you're still crankier than krayt dragon."

He reached out expecting to still find her next to him, but Mara's spot was cold. He opened his eyes to find her musing at him crouched over small flames of the dying fire, an arched eyebrow over the brim of her cup. "I don't know what is more disappointing, your Outer Rim vernacular or this caf." She tossed him his clothes. "They're mostly dry."

Luke grinned, though disappointed they didn't laze about more. "I didn't even ask you why you're on Coruscant," he said pulling on the tunic, wincing when the cold damp touched skin.

"What else?" Mara poured out the last of her cup over the coals. "Business. The unfinished kind."

"Ah."

They packed up what little they had and walked down the trail together to the water where they each had a docking pad. Neither said anything, not wanting to ruin whatever had passed between them, knowing that the past and all the hurt was still too close. "Will I see you back in civilization?" Luke asked softly once they reached her ship.

She tossed her hair behind her shoulder, nervously. "You never know," she said, slyly.

He grinned and gave her a playful shove in the shoulder. "See you soon, Jade."

She watched him with soft eyes, as he shouted a greeting at Artoo and had him fire up the X-wing.

They flew back to the Imperial Palace hangar on each other's wing, Mara having to roll her eyes at the barrel rolls he insisted on executing over the water. "Serene Jedi Master my ass," she murmured.

They had a landing party there to greet them when they arrived, apparently both having commed ahead. They climbed out of their ships at the same time, Luke grinning at the little Solos running to greet him, but his step faltered when he saw Lando Calrissian standing with Han. His gaze shot over to Mara, angry for a split second before disappearing. He smiled again and scooped Anakin into the air as the little boy reached him. Han followed closely barking at the kids to take it easy as the twins tried to climb their uncle.

The old smuggler raised an eyebrow and looked back and forth between Luke and Mara. "Interrupting?"

"No," they both said in unison. Han smirked.

They both blushed, but Luke adjusted his hold on his youngest nephew and nodded at her. "Lando is waiting."

It was a dismissal.

Mara frowned. "Luke…"

"It's okay. Thanks, Mara. For everything."

If possible, she blushed harder, but nodded curtly. She opened her mouth, but hesitated, choosing to just nod again and stomp towards Lando. Han raised an eyebrow at Luke, but the kid just shook his head. "Don't."

Han held up his hands and they fell in step next to each other, twins following. "I didn't say anything."

"You didn't have to."

"I never do when it comes to Mara."

Luke exhaled, exasperated. "Why do you dislike her so much?"

"I don't dislike her, I dislike that you come out of every round with her in a funk that takes you forever to snap out of."

"That is…"

"The truth."

Luke bit back a retort and watched Mara's form descend down a lift with Lando. Her back was turned firmly away from him. "Let's just go get some food. I'm starved.


	6. Time is a thief

Setting: Slightly before the events of Agents of Chaos: Hero's Trial

I began writing this little piece a few weeks before Peter Mayhew's death and then got side tracked. Once I heard, I knew I had to finish it. This is a short vignette, but my little salute to everyone's favorite Wookie.

Luke unceremoniously knocked a toolbox off a cart and Han nearly leapt through the bottom of the Falcon. "By all the lights of Coruscant, do you Jedi always have to sneak up on me?"

"Oops."

Han narrowed his eyes. "I'm sure. What do you want?"

"What are you doing?" The ice in Luke's voice gave Han pause. It was rare to hear in his brother in law's voice and it was not often misplaced.

Han frowned. "We're going to Kashyyyk tomorrow. Getting the ship ready."

"All day?" Luke's eyes flicked to the bottle of whiskey sitting beside some rags.

Han straightened and took a step forward. "Is there something you want to say, kid?"

Luke stepped forward as well. "Leia and the kids are home."

"And?"

"You should be there. You're a father-,"

"And you're not," Han hissed.

Luke's eyes flashed. First in hurt, and then intense anger. His and Mara's childlessness was a struggle for them and a low blow considering his devotion to his sister's children. Their little family was all any of them had, and Luke had as much a hand in raising the Solo children as their parents. "If I had a child I wouldn't be wasting time at low level sabacc tables while my son was struggling."

Hand got nose to nose with Luke. "Don't talk to me about wasting time when your wife is dying and you're standing here arguing with me."

Time seemed to slow down.

Luke swung first.

Han had to hand it to him, he hadn't expected it. The younger man was no stranger to fights – the Rogues were known for leaving broken barstools in their wake – but he rarely started them. Fights had faded as everyone had grown older, but the two men had never been on opposite sides. He staggered back, smarting from what he wondered was a broken jaw with the extra strength behind Luke's prosthetic, but recovered quickly and landed a swing of his own. It felt good. Both men glared at each other for a moment before completely descending into a brawl at the bottom of the Falcon's ramp.

Wedge Antilles, on Coruscant in the wake of the Vong threat, had been inspecting fighters when the argument had begun escalating and lingered nearby in case he needed to intervene. On the first punch, he dropped his clipboard and shot across the hangar floor. "Hey!" he growled. "Hey break it up you two idiots –," he dodged Luke's elbow. _"Hey!"_

Luke literally hurled Han against the bottom of the Falcon and let him drop.

Wedge placed a hand on his old friend's chest. "Whoa, Luke, _easy_."

Han wheezed and regained his footing, angry that the kid could be besting him. "Not fair," he coughed, bringing his fists up. "Fight me without your hokey re-,"

Wedge shoved him back. He liked them both, considered both good, old friends, but if it came to putting a rancor in this fight he'd choose Luke. Every time. Or just stun them both and leave them. "Don't try it. Stand down."

Han flailed backward as Luke gave him another Force shove and Wedge turned on him and gave him a shove of his own. "Luke, I will stun you and hand you over to NR police. People are watching," he muttered through clenched teeth. "We are facing invasion and a Jedi master and former general scuffling in a hangar is not going to calm nerves." He jerked his head up the ramp. "Get on the kriffing Falcon."

Surprisingly, Luke did as he was told with looking at either men and Han had enough shame to look a little embarrassed. Wedge took pity and tossed him a rag. "Stop bleeding on my floor."

Han nodded his thanks and wrapped his knuckles before following Luke. It had been years since Wedge had stepped foot on the freighter, but it looked and smelled the same. Nostalgia hit him. He never thought he would long for the days of the Rebellion, but this new threat was beyond anything they'd faced before and youth was slowly slipping past. He was reminded of that with the moans of his two friends as they nursed their wounds in the rec. A cloth hung out of Luke's nostril and a knot was forming on Han's forehead. "If you two are the best we've got against the Vong, I would've never accepted my commission again."

Luke chuckled. "We've had worse odds."

"We all have something to lose now."

The three of them sobered, thinking of the families and the lives they'd built since living on Alliance ships and bases. "Yeah," Luke whispered.

Neither Luke nor Han offered anything else, so Wedge took a step back towards the hatch. "Look, if you guys promise to keep it civilized, I'll leave, but I'll be close. Next time you guys want to start a fight don't forget to invite me." He grinned. "These new recruits are just too respectable nowadays, I don't get to have any fun anymore."

Luke grinned at him. "Sure, Wedge."

OOOOOOOOOO

After Wedge disappeared, neither had much to say. Han knew he'd crossed a line. Knew that when it came to Mara, Luke was as protective as wampa. He was still too angry though, still hurting too much to care much about careless words.

Luke leaned his elbows against his knees and tossed his bloody rag on the floor. "Look," he said, stretching the fingers of his prosthetic hand. "I know what Chewie meant to you. I know this is hard. He was family, but your family grew. Chewie embraced that and we all lost him. He didn't sacrifice himself for the child you entrusted him with for you to act like the asshole smuggler you were twenty years ago. He was your best friend, but you're mine. And I love you. And I love my sister, and I love the kids. Just like Chewie did." Luke shrugged and his lip trembled slightly. "I might not know anything about having a son, but I do know what it is to be willing to sacrifice myself for people I loved. I know Chewie would do it again in a heartbeat and he would expect you to respect his choice."

He stood and pulled his black glove on, still not looking at Han. "Now, you're going to close up the Falcon, clean yourself up, and go home to your family. And that," he said pointing to an empty whiskey bottle. "Is not going to make an appearance. Just until we get back from Kashyyyk. Then you can do whatever you need to do to get through this." He straightened his tunic. "I'm taking my X-wing tomorrow. As soon as the ceremony is over, I'm coming straight home to my wife. I-,"

He cocked his head and looked like he was listening before he turned without another word and disappeared.

Han shook his head. "You think I'd be use to that shavit." He threw his own rag down and followed. "I'm not through with you," he growled, but stopped when he saw Luke frozen at the top of the ramp.

He frowned and peered over his shoulder. It was Mara, with her hand linked through Wedge's arm, making her way across the floor. They were both grinning and Wedge had her hand covered with his own, allowing her to pace them, without appearing to be. "I hope you'll bring Iella and the girls over," she was saying as they got closer.

She smiled weakly at her husband and he was down the ramp and by her side in a second. "Sweetheart, wha-?"

"I felt you hurting." She touched his cheek.

He placed his hand over hers. "I'm fine."

"Mara," Han said.

She nodded at him. "Han."

She was still beautiful, though weak. To those that didn't know her well, little could be seen, but to her family, the toll of the disease was in her face. Her eyes were tired.

Luke was gazing at his wife, though her attention was on his brother in law. The defiance in her eyes reminded him of Chewie. "I'm sorry I won't be able to make it to the memorial. Please give Mala and the others my best."

Chewie had loved Mara, accepting her into their family easily, often teasing her about, "their manes being out of place in the clan." He'd been the first to adopt Luke and Leia as well, long before Han did. Whatever family Han had was because of Chewie...and in a small way he had that in common with Mara as well. The Wookie had been the first of them to show Mara real kindness on that trek on Myrkr.

 _[He likes her] he'd huffed, nudging Han and nodding across the camp._

 _Han frowned. He'd noticed. "He's got a thing for redheads, I guess…and dancing with death."_

 _[He sees her] Chewie insisted, touching his chest. [Like he did you.]_

 _"That was completely different."_

 _Chewie gave him the closest thing to an eyeroll a Wookie could manage. His gaze slid back over to Luke walking Mara through levitation, while stealing glances at her long red braid when her eyes were closed. [No. He sees her.]_

He nodded, coming back to the present. "Of course."

"And take care of my husband, will you? You haven't forgotten how since I took over, have you?"

Luke stared at the floor and Han swallowed the lump in his throat. "Never."

She smiled faintly and nodded. "Thank you."

Knowing it was what she needed hear, Wedge gripped Luke's shoulder. Whatever happened in future, if Mara wasn't there, Luke would be looked after. "He's always in good hands, Mara."

Luke slipped an arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. "Let's go home. I've got an early clearance tomorrow. What do you say we get some take out from that little stand you like?" He turned them both away without looking at his brother in law, but called over his shoulder. "Go home, Han."


	7. Sensory memory

Setting: During "Fury"

Work Text:

It was decidedly unsettling to be back on Endor's moon, especially with the arrival of Wedge and Janson. Bad memories plagued what was the site of freedom's most pivotal victory because it was also where Luke had experienced his most personal losses. It unnerved him to have Ben here among the memories and debris of the Death Star and his own former life when the loss of Mara was still so close. He stayed up long after the others fell quiet before wandering in to where his son slept. Luke stroked his son's hair, fighting the urge to bury his face in it and breathe in its scent. He hadn't done that in years. He remembered it always smelled like that soap Mara had loved; creamy bantha milk and the sasserflower, which no longer grew on Coruscant after the Vong invasion. Lost, like so much else. It was a scent that was familiar to him for years, an indulgence she allowed herself. He didn't know what it was of course until after they married but it was soft, and her, and…home. What she replaced it with he couldn't remember, and now he regretted it.

 _Mara craned her neck, to look him in the eye. "What are you looking at, Skywalker?"_

 _He nearly jumped out of his skin and tore his eyes away from the curve of her neck. He blushed and looked at his feet. "N-nothing."_

 _Mara raised an eyebrow, but said nothing else, turning back to her exercises. "You need to push your shoulders back. Extend your leg."_

" _You smell good," he said abruptly._

 _Mara frowned and met his gaze in the mirror on the wall beside them, suddenly aware of the heat of his hand gripping the practice bar only centimeters from hers. "I like to shower after a full day of intense training."_

" _And I like to relax."_

" _This is relaxing," Mara growled, as if it were the hundredth time. "I'm over meditating. You're going to have to seriously jazz it up once you start that Academy of yours."_

" _Seriously, what are you wearing?"_

" _It's just my soap, farmboy." He blushed again, and she padded her words with a slight grin. "Now I told you, extend your leg…"_

He wondered what Ben's hair smelled like now. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against it, not lingering, but indulging. How Han got through the days without his boys he didn't know. Ben stirred, and Luke soothingly ran his fingers through his dark auburn hair. Despite his hair, Ben was definitely Luke's. Everyone said so, including Mara who had been fond of blaming the Skywalker blues when he chided her for indulging their son too much. But often, Luke could see her, more and more, gazing out at him. They way Ben's eyes stared through him, brow furrowed in concentration. They way he walked, that elegant grace Luke never possessed at that age. The way he leaned against the wall with a leg crossed in front of the other on a toe. It was at once comforting and heartbreaking.

He wondered if that was what his son's namesake felt like, seeing him for the first time in years in the Tatooine desert, chasing down Artoo. Seeing his old friend, someone he'd loved, in the face of someone else. _He caught Ben's gaze watching him in the Falcon's rec area. "What?"_

 _The old jedi turned his amused gaze back to the fierce game between the Wookie and R2. "You remind me of your father." He smiled reassuringly. "It's a good thing."_

Luke remembered wanting to ask about his mother, but decided not to, something else he regretted all these years later. Guiltily, he'd rarely thought of her over the years, Beru being the center of his universe. He had wondered briefly if his mother been like the quiet, simple woman who raised him, or perhaps an adventurer. Perhaps a queen. Maybe Beru had known her. He found comfort in those dreams, not having been ripped away as his ideals of his father had been. And…he'd had a mother. Not that Owen hadn't loved him-or he, Owen-but Beru had always been what he needed. His constant. As he got older, he and Owen butted heads more and more, the man stating he was too much like his father. He found himself longing for the father he never knew, seeking some kind of kinship. Now, he wished he could speak to the gruff old man once more to tell him he understood, as he watched his son sleep, his uncle more than anyone else now and why he'd been so terrified for Luke.

He longed tell him he loved and missed him, but that everything had turned out.

Ben's gaze brought him out of his reverie. "What's wrong?" he asked blearily.

Luke shook his head. "Shhh. Nothing. Go back to sleep. I just wanted to see you."

Ben accepted this and burrowed against his pillow. "I'm glad you're here, Dad," he murmured.

Luke's throat closed and he moved to pull away, but Ben caught his arm, meaning to hold him there. Luke grinned. That was a decidedly Skywalker trait. He loved being petted as a child. Beru would put him to sleep with a fluff to his hair and kiss on the forehead and there were nights Owen would slip in after working late and massage the long hair he was always griping about. Luke would lay still breathing in the odd scent of oil and burned electrical wiring, knowing Owen allowed himself these small moments of tenderness thinking he was unaware.

After he married Mara, she would stroke his hair in bed, lulling him to sleep. She would stroke it in passing, absently, as much a comfort to her as him. It had been…her final goodbye to him. He and Ben were also hair twirlers themselves, fond memories of Mara's hair gathered and spilling out of his fists while he kissed her neck or twirling it in small sections while she leaned against him as he sipped caff or read from his datapad. Many times Ben would slip off to the sleep in his mother's arms in the cockpit, twirling her hair between his fingers. She would grin wryly at him in the pilot's seat. _"He's your son," she mused._

Impulsively, he leaned forward again and buried his face in Ben's hair. "You smell like your mom," he whispered, feeling like he needed to explain his affection.

Ben stilled for a moment and then confessed, "You know sometimes I sneak into your room on the _Shadow_ and smell her perfume. I don't spray it, but I like to just take a whiff from the lid."

Luke knew the bottle. It was on the nightstand, the bottle yet another small indulgence she allowed herself. She wore it sparingly, the stronger, spicy scent reserved for special occasions. It remained by the bed, where she'd last tossed it. He smiled and kissed Ben's head before his hair a final, rough tuss. "It's okay to miss her, you know," he whispered hoarsely.

A few long beats stretched the silence. "I know."

"And you know I love you. I'll never let anything happen to you. I'll always protect you."

Ben yawned. "I know." He patted his father's hand. "Go to bed, Dad. Everything will turn out."


	8. Palace ghosts

Callista.

She was a beautiful woman. In the months since Wedge first met her, Cray Mingla's features had not necessarily faded as they had blended with those of the lost Jedi his friend had fallen in love with. The high cheekbones erased the cherubic features and growing, darkening hair took the place of stylish blonde locks. Callista was regal, her poise unflinching. She stood in a single ray of light in the corridor, her thoughts elsewhere when he approached. She greeted him with a soft smile without looking at him, her gaze occupied down the hall. "General Antilles."

"You lost?"

Her expression was amused. "I walked these halls long before you were born. They hold no secret for me."

He blushed, forgetting who she was and where she came from. It was eerie, seeing her now standing amongst the relics of her old life, while still not quite at rest in her new one. She didn't belong there, and it made Wedge sorry for Luke.

"I'm a ghost."

"I'm sorry?"

She stuck her chin out down the hall. "I've been standing here for three minutes and they have yet to even pause for a breath."

Mara and Luke were just inside the door from the courtyard, in deep, animated conversation. _Oh_. Wedge frowned, not sure of her tone. "They're friends. They've been through a lot together."

Callista didn't like the easy way she brought a smile to his face or the way he was obviously ribbing her over something. He pushed her arm playfully and the look on her face was murderous, but it didn't faze him. Her expression begrudgingly melted into a scowl and she must've had a smart retort because he smirked and shrugged. They had the easy friendship that came with old friends, but a tension burned below the surface. "Then why are they dancing around each other?"

Wedge shifted uncomfortably as if he knew or saw the same thing she did. "He's with you. But he did have a life with other people in it before you."

Mara glanced in their direction and seemed to say goodbye. Luke watched her go before spinning and making his way back to Callista's side. Wedge passed him and punched his arm. "I got to catch up with Mara, she's got a delivery for Mirax."

"Will I see you later?"

Wedge waved an affirmative and had to jog to catch up to Mara and fall into step next to her. "Jade, wait. _Jaaaddeee_. What's gotten into you?"

"She's no good for him," Mara muttered, distracted.

Wedge knew Mara didn't mince words, but he still winced. "That's a little harsh."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "You disagree?"

He didn't answer.

She turned her eyes back forward. "It might be harsh but that doesn't make it any less true. Skywalker is blind when it comes to people."

Wedge stopped abruptly, not liking the way she spoke of one of his oldest friends. The words were true, but her attitude cut. "If that surprises you, you certainly don't know him. He doesn't give up on people."

She spun on him. "I know him better than you might think. I also know she's never going to love him more than she wants her abilities back."

"Callista is a good woman."

Mara softened slightly before turning, continuing down the corridor. "I have no doubts she is. Luke wouldn't love her otherwise."

Wedge caught the wistfulness in her tone, one he wasn't sure she was even aware of. He almost didn't say anything, wanting to stay out of his friend's business, knowing Luke's history with the red head was murky and rife with missed chances. They were either playing dumb or were completely unaware of the whispers about them, but Wedge had noticed the way Luke used to watch Mara with a softness in his eyes and deep affection. Luke knew how to handle her, but Mara was always the one able to cut the deepest.

He remembered exchanging glances with Han the first time they'd seen her with Lando. The three of them had been out after touring the new Starfighter Command hangar and it was a chance meeting at one of the mid-level bars. It was one Mara had introduced Luke to and it became one of his favorites. Apparently, she'd done the same with Lando. Han's brow had furrowed in confusion and he shook his head at Wedge, lips tight, sure to unload on his friend as soon as he got Calrissian alone. He'd always had Mara picked for his brother in law. Luke's face was smooth, betraying no emotion, but Wedge had caught the slight pause in his step after catching sight of them at the bar before continuing to the booth they picked. He nodded at them when Lando caught saw of the trio but didn't meander over as he usually would've and slid in with his back to them, Mara's green eyes looking everywhere else but at him.

"He's missed you," Wedge said, catching up to her again. He nodded at the lightsaber dangling from her belt. "He gave that to you, didn't he? That meant something to him. He gave you a piece of his past because he saw you in his future." Her eyes stayed forward, but her fingers gently closed around the weapon. "Look, I know he's got Callista, but you had your thing with Lando. _First_."

Her lips pursed.

"He got over it, so should you."

Mara frowned, turning to ask what he was talking about, but he was already opening a conference room door. "I'll send Horn down to the hangar after the meeting to get Mirax's crates."

OOOOOOOOOO

There was something about Coruscant, an energy that Mara had yet to experience anywhere else. She didn't consider herself sentimental, but the city planet was home; and evenings like these reminded her that not every moment of her youth was a trial. Evenings spent in ballrooms, wrapped in silk, and tapping her toes underneath her skirt whilst sipping Hapan wine…all fond memories, despite the stagnant, heavy atmosphere under Palpatine.

Now the evening was bright, it was easy to breathe. Mara never felt how the stifling the dark side was growing up because it was all she'd known. Surrounding her, clawing at her, though never quite claiming her. It wasn't until she'd stepped out on her own from under the Emperor's influence that she recognized its greedy fog. Tonight, the music was breezy, people were laughing freely, and the revelry was contagious. It helped that it was a celebration for the new Rogue headquarters and not a stuffy political function. The attendees were mostly old squad mates and their families. In the past it was something she would've attended with Luke, drinking until dawn and sneaking onto the roof. But…things had changed. Still, the invite had touched her, aware of her inclusion into a band of friends very much forged by war; and aware of who had brought her into the circle.

She grabbed a drink and sidled up to Wedge and Corran leaning against the bar. "Luke's here," Wedge murmured behind his glass, still terse from earlier. "I would love for you guys to _not_ steal the show."

Mara smiled sweetly. "Don't worry, Mirax and I already have plans."

Corran made a strangled noise. "No, you don't."

"Where is the great Jedi Master, anyway? Does he still partake in parties or is fun and joy not allowed in the Order?"

"Maybe you'd know if you came around more." Corran shrugged at her raised eyebrow. "He's doing the best he can. And yeah, he'll still tie one on when he comes to Coruscant."

"Ah, well then, we best hide the Cortyg brandy," Mara smarted, trying to hide the sting from Corran's words.

"Why? Afraid he might drink you under the table like last time?"

"That-"

"Hey guys," a soft voice interrupted behind Mara. She turned to find Luke a mere foot away, dressed in casual gray pants and jacket. It had been a long time since she'd seen him in anything but Jedi robes. He smiled at her, and he looked so much like when they first met, it caught her off guard. She clenched her fist to keep from brushing the ahir out of his eyes and wondered how much he'd heard.

"Mara, you look beautiful," he added, smiling at the deep purple silk wrapped around her form in a way that seemed casually draped, though it had been immaculately tailored to her curves. "I'll have a Cortyg brandy," he told the bartender while holding her gaze. "Neat."

She smirked.

"Take it easy, I've got a round of whiskey coming," Wedge warned, brushing past them after catching sight of Iella Wessiri walking in with Mirax. Corran followed, bumping Luke's side as he went.

He and Mara stood together against the bar watching the merriment in silence. Usually at this point, Luke would've offered her his hand, but that seemed too intimate now. Now…they stood with their arms almost brushing, slightly swaying to the music, not knowing what to say to one another. "Where's Lando?" Luke finally piped up.

She raised an eyebrow. "Where's Callista?"

He caught the drink set down next to him and nodded his thanks to the bartender, before answering. "She's staying in."

She didn't press. "Lando will be here I'm sure."

He frowned, wanting to ask about the flippancy, but was interrupted by Hobbie with a tray of shot glasses. "Drink up, boss."

Luke blushed handing one to Mara before taking one for himself.

"Cheers!" Wedge shouted across the room, holding a glass high. "Who could've known what would be built by a couple of bush pilots?"

Everyone cheered and saluted, and Mara noticed Luke paused momentarily before down his glass. She raised an eyebrow and he just shrugged sheepishly. He set the glass on the bar and smiled at her, before brushing past her to one of the doors leading to one of the balconies. She frowned, grabbing both their drinks and following him, but Wedge stepped in front of her. "What is your deal, Antilles?" she hissed.

The pilot stepped closer. "If you can't love him, then don't make him love you," he said quietly.

Mara frowned and opened her mouth. Words didn't form and she shook her head.

Wedge touched her elbow. "Please don't hurt my friend."

He slipped past her to rejoin the party, that felt so far removed from what was going on between her and Luke that she barely heard the laughter and music anymore. Shakily, she took a moment to take a deep breath and tightened her grip around both glasses before stepping outside. She chuckled when she found him standing on the broad, stone balcony rail. "Not exactly Jedi Master behavior."

He grinned back over his shoulder. "Not exactly standard issue for one of Karrde's crew members."

She harrumphed primly, and hiked up the dress in question, to perch and swing her legs over the rail. Luke settled next to her gracefully and accepted his drink back, but he was…reserved, distracted. She brushed against him lightly in the Force, trying to coax anything…

"Don't."

Mara withdrew immediately, and he winced. They had always been able to slip past each other's shields, if they really had any around each other. It was just always that easy to slip in. It was intimate and unnerving and unspoken. "You can just ask me," he whispered.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't belong in there anymore."

She could sense the underlying sadness without the Force. "Do you belong out here?" she whispered, not sure she wanted to know.

He didn't answer immediately, and Mara tossed back the rest of her drink. They could've stayed the entire night, easily. She knew Luke wasn't that kind of man. She didn't want to find out if she was that kind of woman. "You should go home to Callista."

Luke nodded gazing out at the skylanes and when his gaze found hers again, he smiled softly, sadly. He had chosen. "Yeah."

OOOOOOOOOO

Callista didn't sleep. She had stayed in, to look through files that she had pulled from the Senate archives. Information was sketchy at best, a thousand years of history wiped out in a matter of decades took time to reassemble, but she spent the better part of the evening combing through every detail until Luke returned. He'd slipped in, distracted, and then passed out, always able to sleep so peacefully, especially after making love. She'd lain awake the remaining hours of night watching the lines of his face until daylight broke through the curtains and roused him. Luke stretched and smiled at her, bleary and content. "Morning."

She smiled and rolled against him. "For a farm boy, you manage to sleep like a baby on Coruscant."."

"I don't let much of anything get in the way of a good night's sleep." He squeezed her. "You find anything last night?"

She shook her head slightly against his chest. "Just ghosts," she whispered. "You? You weren't out late."

There was long pause and a sigh before he answered. "Just ghosts." He sat up and dug for his clothes. "I'm starving."

Callista leaned back against the headboard and pulled the sheets to her chest. "Was she there?"

He paused in pulling the tunic over his head and frowned. "Who?'

"The redhead."

Luke grinned and pulled the shirt down, shaking a hand through his unruly hair. "Oh. Mara."

Callista's eyes narrowed at the easy Outer Rim drawl when he said the woman's name. The warmth. "She's very beautiful."

"Yes, she is." His head perked up as if he realized he might've said something wrong, that he wasn't talking amongst his buddies as usual and instead the woman he'd just committed to. He knew he should say, _so are you_ , but that would've been clumsy. Instead, he scooped her up in his arms disarmingly. "What do you say we head to the mess?"

"Will Mara be there?"

He cocked his head. "I don't know. Perhaps. We have the same circle of friends."

" _You're_ friends."

His arms dropped. Callista didn't need the Force to sense the defensiveness rising. "Yes."

She remembered Wedge's words and placed a reassuring hand on his chest. "I understand you have people in your life. I know your friends are important to you."

He sat on the end of the bed and crossed his arms. "Then what's the problem?"

"I just want to be sure of where I stand and where she does."

"Why Mara?"

 _Because I've seen the way you look at her_! she wanted to yell. "Because she's different."

Luke's eyes darkened, ready to defend Mara. "If this…"

"It's not because of her Imperial past." How could she put it into words? _She knew_. "She's just…your only female friend."

"That's not true."

"You know what I mean."

He nodded and looked away. Mara _was_ different. She always had been and would be.

"We've been through a lot together." He remembered seeing her in the bar with Lando - _their bar_ \- and he swallowed hard to bite back the surge of anger. It was surely just overprotectiveness. "I might be a little overprotective," he said out loud. "She doesn't have family. She's judged by what she was made early in life."

"And I commend her."

"Don't patronize her."

Callista raised an eyebrow.

Luke exhaled, stood, and rubbed her arms soothingly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap." He cupped her cheek. "Let's go eat. We can go somewhere else if you want."

She was tempted. But she remembered the way Mara and Luke stood together and a part of her wouldn't let go. She knew where this would end one day, knew it in some visceral part of her soul. She knew that she would leave Luke. But until then, he was hers. "No, let's go eat with your friends."

"Well good morning, sweetheart," Janson sang, with a mock salute when they entered the mess. "And _Mrs._ Sweetheart." He waggled his eyebrows. "Sleep well?"

Luke pulled out a chair for Callista and narrowed his eyes. "You're lucky I'm not your commanding officer anymore."

"For sure. The war is so much more enjoyable now."

"Shut up," Wedge griped.

Luke grinned and slapped his shoulder. "Feeling rough this morning?"

The Corellian moaned. "You become respectable and all of a sudden your tolerance for hard liquor drops."

"So, no sausage for you?"

"I will _kill_ you." He shoved his tray at him. "Eat. I sure as hell can't."

Callista was being entertained by Janson and Hobbie reenacting antics from the night before, while Luke picked absently at his plate, glancing around occasionally. "She's not here," Wedge murmured.

Luke frowned.

"She left early. Off planet."

"Why?"

Wedge shrugged. "She's got a life, Luke." He sipped his caff. "You getting ready to return to yours?"

Luke paused chewing, both men staring each other down, before he felt Callista's hand on his knee. He covered it with his own. "We're going home this afternoon."


End file.
